.:|The World of Dea|:.

The song ‘Surrender’ is the latest single of Angels and Airwaves. The second song after ‘Anxiety’ from the Love Part II album. It is currently available on iTunes as the free single of the week. I just downloaded it and I gotta say, it’s EPIC. I love everything about the song. The music, the lyrics, the possible meaning of the lyrics. Tom Delonge is a GENIUS. 

What are u waiting for? Get on iTunes and get it! :D

“When God falls fast asleep, the kids still dance in city streets, from the White House lawn to the Middle East and all around I’m just saying that this time I feel it now. When God falls fast asleep, the kids still move to a steady beat even if its bombs landing at their feet and all around I’m just saying that this time I feel it now”

“There is a place to hide, it’s in our mind, it’s in the dark. It’s well known that we have a fragile heart, it’s deep inside. It has a sound that you can follow. You feel like you hit a wall, but you survived and it was hard for you to swallow, I’ve been to that place before in spite of luck, when you awake a new tomorrow… no, I, I will not Surrender.

I wish that Angels and Airwaves would come to Indonesia next year. I’m so there! :D

Last weekend (all the way until Monday), I spent the majority of my time stressing out about those two tests. The two tests that would well be one of the very important factors in determining my future (pardon my dramatic mood). 

I got very anxious because I had never taken those two tests before and no matter how much people said that I was gonna be just fine, I didn’t really believe them because I knew I could have done much more studying and practice tests. 

IBT-TOEFL

The internet based TOEFL was very different than the paper-based (duh!), which I was much more used to. On the paper-based, I always scored above 600. On the IBT? I honestly can’t have that much confidence. I had problems with the reading and speaking. All, regarding time.

On the reading tasks, the passages were long and the amount of time allocated to finish was quite short and the questions were rather complicated. I have to admit, I hadn’t mastered the skills of skimming or any other technique that can make one read faster. I think it’s one of my biggest challenge so far. I’m pretty sure, I screwed this one up.

On the little bit more embarrassing note, I might have screwed up the speaking test (the joke’s on me). Again, time was the biggest obstacle. In the beginning, we were given 45 seconds on each task to verbally explain our answers. It wasn’t enough for me! my 45-second ran out just like that, while I hadn’t finished and got to my point. So, I definitely screwed up in the beginning but towards the end, I think I managed to improve my performance. How well? I really don’t know.

So, for those of you who will possibly have to take this test in the future, my suggestion is that you need to keep practicing and familiarizing yourselves with the types of questions that could appear on the test. Your preparation must not be within a short period of time because there are a lot of skills to master and much more practicing to do. If you have enough preparation, your anxiety level would be less and thus lead to enabling you to perform to the best of your ability. :)

GRE

a.k.a Graduate Record Exam is a standardized test and usually a requirement for prospective students wishing to apply to a Graduate Program in the USA. It tests our writing, verbal, and quantitative analysis. I had always known that this particular test was going to be a nightmare. The vocabulary used in this tests, most people whose English is not their first language would have never even heard of. Quantitative analysis a.k.a Math has never been my strong suit.

I wasn’t extremely prepared, but I did have some preparation prior to the testing day. I did some word games on the internet and somehow improved my vocab, and I reviewed a sample test with answers. I also reviewed some Math stuff (I didn’t want to not be able to answer a single thing) but for math topics that I didn’t care for like geometry, I skipped it and resulted in my not being able to answer correctly in any of the geometry questions.

I have to say that the test was pretty much a headache-inducing one. It was difficult. But if you have enough preparation, I think you’re going to be just fine. I think I did okay on the test. The official scores are not released yet, but unofficially here’s my range of scores. Verbal 430-530. Quantitative 490-590. It’s not high, but I’m quite proud of myself. If I ever have to retake it, I hope I can do better.

So, my advice is similar to the ones regarding IBT-TOEFL.

Familiarize yourself with the test and the types of questions. Take a practice test.

Study a.k.a prepare yourself. Review math problems. Because if you haven’t studied math in a long time or you never really have to use it, it’s very important to review mathematical stuff like formula, principals, etc. and be sure that you do the review in English so that you don’t spend unnecessary time on figuring out what some terms mean in your first language. Some materials are available and downloadable. 

Improve your vocabulary. There are a lot of websites that offer lists of GRE vocab. I use Word Dynamo and it’s much more fun to do since the vocab stuff is in a form of a game. Give it a try. 

Also, make sure you have allocated enough time to study. I didn’t do well on the preparation part. I work during the day and sometimes when I come home from work, I’m too exhausted to study. How you manage your time is up to you, just make sure you have some.

===

So… that’s all I have to say about those two tests. I wish the best of luck for those of you who are going to take it. 

—

Xoxo,

the no-longer-stressed-out girl.

“

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.

It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

”

Greenday-The Time Of Your Life

The first time that this song had a special meaning for me was when I was listening to it in the car with my two best friends, My and Shiro, in 2004. We were on the way to the airport because My and I were leaving the US to go back to our home countries. In my opinion, the song describes how we move on from one stage to another in our lives.

At the time, I was experiencing one of the best years in my life. I had a chance to live in the US and meet wonderful people from all over the world. So, when it was time to say goodbye, there were no dry eyes in sight. It was sad because we might not have another chance to meet all of our friends we’d met during the year. Even though we did, it wouldn’t be the same because we wouldn’t all gather in the same place. However, there was no other choice. The goodbyes were difficult.

Our time just ran out. It was time for us to comeback to where we came from and to continue our lives.But I sure felt happy and fortunate for being able to experience something that most teenagers in the world would never experience.

So for those of you who are current foreign exchange students (wherever you are in the world), be sure to enjoy your time, for this is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Go out, do stuff, have fun (responsibly), take lots of pictures, and possibly write about your experience. For it will end, and when it does you will never forget it.

For current high school students, find this kind of opportunity (Rotary International sure has a great program). You will NEVER regret it. Spending a year in a foreign country will teach you a lot of things. You will meet people whom you would never thought you could be best friends with. The ups and downs of it all will create a better and more mature YOU. So, apply right now!

If you have missed this change (i.e you’re no longer in high school), don’t worry. There are similar programs in college (you just have to find out where you can find the information. And if you’re no longer in college, it’s a little tougher, because you either have to apply for a scholarship abroad or travel. Applying for a scholarship is very challenging and traveling is expensive. Although it’s difficult, the experiences will all be worth it.

XOXO,

Former Foreign Exchange Student

Two days ago, I received a wonderful news that I had been selected as an alternate candidate for Fulbright Scholarship. It’s one of the most prestigious academic and cultural exchange in the world which *I hope with all my heart and soul* would bring me back to the US to study International Development studies at a graduate program. I’m ecstatically excited and anxious at the same time.

In their e-mail, they said that my candidacy is for a Phd program, which I thought was a mistake since I definitely applied for a Masters Degree. So, I gotta call them tomorrow and make sure it’s not a mixed up. Well, two of my very excited best friends who have already been in the US and happened to be in the same university *Brandeis University* as well as roommates, encouraged me that perhaps my SO and interview somewhat showed the panel that I was suitable for a phd program. Wow. I don’t really think of myself that highly because let’s be real, phd is a doctoral degree and I haven’t done much to deserve that, but we’ll see once I make that phone call.

Now, I gotta submit my study objectives which I have to fix a little, a personal statement which I have to write, and….. an 8-10 pages of work sample. Okay, the last one I would have a little trouble with because I don’t remember ever writing something academic that is 8 pages long, so I definitely have to work harder on that because it’s an academic writing. I also gotta prepare for GRE which in part would test my quantitative skills and I suck at Math so it’s going to be another challenge. It’s true what they say that the higher you climb, the harder the wind blows. Now, I have so much to do in such a small time frame, but I will do it and not complain, because after all, this is my dream.

Since I’m an alternate candidate, it’s not a sure thing that I will go. We will know whether or not I’m going, by July next year. However, they’d asked me to take a look at several universities that would be my preferences. I would like to study international development (development studies) and there are a number of universities that offer that program and I’ve chosen three: American University (SIS) which has the best program in international studies as well as located in Washington DC where the headquarters of many international agencies are located, Brandeis Universities (Heller School) which offers program on Sustainable International Development and if I study that I would get so much valuable knowledge to apply once I get back in Indonesia, Pittsburgh University (GSPIA) which offers program on development planning and it is something that I would like to learn more of because Indonesia still have issues on it.

So, which one of those that I most prefer? I can’t really choose. Washington DC would be amazing and it’s about 2 hours from York (which I plan to visit every chance I get) and a friend of mine is also studying development in this school. Brandeis would be great since my two best friends already live there and I’m thinking things like housing, getting to know the city and the schools, etc. would be easier because they already live there. Pittsburgh is a city I would like to live in and the school has great program. So, wherever I hopefully get accepted in, it would be a blessing. Even not in one of the three schools I choose. I’m so ready to go back to school.

The weekend officially begins. Time to kick back and relax. Happy weekend, everyone!!! :)

Sitting at the office with absolutely nothing work-related to do, I find myself browsing Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr is so interesting and I follow lots of blogs on here, some of them are travel blogs. Traveling is my thing because I love seeing new places and trying new foods, the adventure is not a bad addition at all. However, I gotta refrain myself from going places for now because there’s something I’m looking forward to spend a boatload of cash for next year. What that is, I don’t want to say anything yet. Only a few of my closest friends know about it. :D For that, I don’t mind saving money at all. Afterwards, traveling would be even more awesome.

So, ladies and gentlemen I finally bought a new laptop, putting to rest my very old one. I don’t necessarily say goodbye to my laptosaurus but I feel like I have to honor it in some way. It’s been in my possession for years and though it was quite annoying for being so slow and crashed a few times when I really needed it, it has helped me graduate from college.

Anyhow, for most people buying a laptop is definitely not a big deal but for me it is. Because I’m proud of myself that I can buy it with my hard-earned money. Oh, what a feeling! I believe that being able to afford my own gadget is something I’m proud, that’s how I know that I’ve made it at this age. Not by saving allowance money, but by actually working for it. So, right now I’m spending my first night with my new gadget. I have yet to name it, but I think I should figure out a name for it. Hahaha I know it sounds silly but I do name a lot of my things just to develop some kind of emotions with them.

Next, I’m saving up to buy a new android phone.  I don’t know which phone I want yet, but I’m definitely eyeing Dell Streak. It cost almost the same as my new laptop so it’s going to be quite awhile before I can actually buy it, but I’m pretty optimistic about it. My work contract has been renewed for another year, and I should be able to find some other source for cash. Yiii-haaa *cheers to all hard-working young people who barely make ends meet*

Two years ago when I weighed exactly like weighed right now, people would say: “Wow! You lost lotta weight” but now at the same body weight, people say: “wow! you gained a lotta weight”. I guess that’s the consequence of having lost 20 KGs before -_-

I wish people would just leave me alone about my weight. But I guess in this society, sadly, it’s inevitable. People say it however they want regardless it hurts ur feelings or not.

Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.

Emily Giffin (Love the One You’re With) 

Maybe true love is about choice. Sure, you can’t choose who you fall in love with but certainly to stay with someone is a choice. And I am making that choice, through the good and the bad to stay with that one man. The relationship taught me that a love isn’t all sweet and romantic gestures, but it can also go through tough times, it can make you happy and it can hurt you. 

Sure, younger people or just people who don’t want to settle don’t really think about this notion. They might always think that there’s someone better out there. But I think for me and my boyfriend, that search and adventure are over. We found each other and we plan to make the choice of being with each other every day and hopefully for the rest of our lives. We no longer care that we do sometimes hate each other. We no longer care what people think about our relationship. All we know is that we love each other and we’ve survived just about any kind of hardship a couple can possibly encounter in a course of a relationship. So whatever you throw at us, we’re strong.

Excuse my mellow-ness. It’s late and I miss my sweetheart :)

g’nite, y’all :*

They say that it’s not okay to have negative thoughts about something or someone before we have any proof, that we are supposed to uphold the principle of “innocent until proven guilty”. Even my religious belief condemns such thoughts. I have tried giving people the benefit of the doubts, however if you’ve been burned and hurt so many times by people you trust, it’s a little more difficult not to have that negative thought. To be fair to myself by having experienced so much crap, I tend to be more careful in giving my trust to anybody. I’m no longer that nice and innocent girl. Well, I’m still nice, but not so innocent anymore. I believe that while everybody has good side, they also have bad side. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all just humans. And I’m human. I can’t help but being more careful with people, to prepare myself for the worst. Because I’ve seen it and experienced it myself, that life can sometimes be a bitch. A total bitch. And that’s okay.

There is “Forgive” and there is “Forget”, however the two will not make a connection. Forgive and Forget, is just not going to happen. Sure, maybe you can handle the “forgive”, but can you ever really “forget”?

Once your heart is crushed into a million little pieces, and somehow you found it in your heart to forgive, could you really forget what hurt you in the first place?

As of right now, I’m not sure that it’s possible to forget. So, I don’t believe that there’s such a thing called forgive and forget. Because no matter how you’ve forgiven and tried not to think about it, little traces of pain will always come back.

I took an IELTS test last Saturday. For those of you who don’t know what it is, an IELTS test is an exam to assess one’s competency in English. They assess our writing, speaking, listening and reading abilities in English.

Think you’re an English Speaker? Try this test.

Prior to the test, I tried some of the practice tests and thought I did fine. I even practiced writing every day as well as reading various articles online. However, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

The test? Just as I expected it. It was difficult. The reading part was more complicated than I thought. I missed a couple of numbers on the listening part. I didn’t have enough time on the writing part therefore I wasn’t (still am) unsatisfied with what I wrote. 

The speaking part was another story. Which I thought was a little humiliating. I mean, I was a debater. I’m supposed to be accustomed to speaking 7-minutes non-stop about difficult topics and argue about such topics. What happened during the test was I ran out of things to say when I was talking about my childhood hobby! That was completely embarrassing. I mean, the examiner was really nice (he was also one of my teacher at my old English course place) and I was mostly just embarrassed to myself. *sighs*

I walked out of the room laughing. Not because I thought I had done well, but because I was actually laughing at myself. 

The result should be released in about two weeks. I hope I did okay because I made my mother pay a lot of money for me to take this test. And If I screwed up badly, I would feel very guilty.

The test is so that I could be eligible to apply for a bunch of scholarship programs. And to even get one is extremely hard. While I’m just really craving for a Master’s degree.